Week 1 Report

TIPSTERMANIA 18 WEEK 1 REPORT

MACCA’S MACKEMS WHACK ‘EM!

Stoke the fire for McDermott double and

Donald solo single

BAKER GETS ONE IN THE OVEN

Discovers other teams exist outside Anfield

WHAT’S A CHESWORTH WIN WORTH?

Not much

THERE’S NO COCK UP LIKE A WILCOCK UP

3^rd time unlucky for virgin Michael

My dear Maniacs.  It is my absolute pleasure to bring you the first report on the new season. 

We all tried our best to make this one the biggest Tipstermania ever and I hope by the time I round up all the stray entry forms we might just have gotten there.  Many thanks to each and every one of you for taking part and spreading the word.

The main reason why the report is a tad late, truth be told, is that I had an absolutely marvellous trip to Newcastle over the weekend, got home yesterday, had a snooze and then stayed up for the Super Bowl.  It was a Xmas present from my better half and we made full use of it.  I can’t recommend the place highly enough.  Excellent establishments and lovely people.  Not a single Geordie Shore skin-waster in sight.  I did meet a man who plans to run his umpteenth Great North Run on a diet of raw eggs and milk, although he was taking a break from his regime at the time.  Howay, canny lad!

I wasn’t alone in finding the Toon to my liking on Saturday.  I have no love of Sunderland (7/2) after their disgraceful treatment of that nice Paolo di Canio chap, but the new bloke seems to have their Tyne-Tees rivals on a butty.  Probably a corned beef one, the Uruguayan get.  And then Stoke (15/2) went and spoiled the day for my other managerial mate Moyesy.  A thoroughly bad day for lovers of fair play and good sportsmanship, but an absolute delma for LIAM McDERMOTT, who jumps to the top of the first leaderboard like a spawny salmon with £76.50 in his slippery pocket.

Liam’s effort is all the more impressive when you consider that he placed his Facebook pick as early as Tuesday.  So early, in fact, that I had lost it off the bottom off of the list and couldn’t find it when the results came through!  Some people weren’t so electronically efficient, to say the least.

GUY RONALD was so splendidly keen to get his bet on that he sent me a picture of one he’d done last year!  As soon as he realised the ridiculousness of such behaviour, he told me that all he wanted to do was back the aforementioned Stoke as a single, which was something of a disappointment considering his other bet was a nine-fold.  But a solid winner is always better than an elegant loser so he goes to 2^nd spot with £17.00.

Our next winner is no stranger to success in the early stages.  BOB BAKER always seems to get his taxi off the Week 1 rank, but rarely takes a trip to the top of the table.  But I don’t think he would have gotten out of 1^st gear if it wasn’t for his son-in-law Paul Heyes.  Bob is a Liverpool fan.  That much we know.  I think every single bet he has ever done involve the red menace to some extent.  He tried to follow his tried and tested formula again this week, only to be thwarted by the fixture list.  After a gentle rebuke to all his fellow red-eyed loons on Facebook by your correspondent, “Purple” gave him a more forceful nudge before informing us all that “Bob” wanted BLACKBURN, IPSWICH & WIGAN to win.  And they did, to the tune of £12.44.  It’s fair to say that Bob, and not sport, is the real winner here.

This week’s final success story would be found in the section of the gambling greengrocers marked “Small Potatoes”.   You might also find it near the Preparation H in the chemist as it was a right arsepain to work out the odds of STOKE +2 4/6, ASTON VILLA +2 4/9 & TRANMERE +2 4/9.  It paid the princely sum of £6.95, which I would gladly have paid out of my own pocket to DAVE CHESWORTH to avoid the rigmarole.  To that end, if any of you insist on making such esoteric selections, please do me the favour of finding out the price yourself and then telling me what the odds are.  Straight win, lose or draw results are easy to find, but none of the bookies publish the prices for those sorts of bets after the event.  But a winner’s a winner, so well done Dave.

I’ll tell you who isn’t a winner, though.  Stephen Wilcock.  But he definitely might have been.  He took his first steps down the road to ruin at 11:18 on Thursday, using Facebook to choose Newcastle win/Remy score, Everton win/Mirallas score and Man City 3-0.  Having realised that Remy was suspended, he switched him out at 07:51 Friday, in favour of a Sunderland win.  Unfortunately, he left the Man City result in.  As they didn’t play until this very evening, he finally settled upon Sunderland, kept the Mirallas pick and trebled it up, at 22:11 Friday, with Man Utd win/Mata to score.  It was the Tipster equivalent of Runaround with Mike Reid.  Full tilt.  Welcome to my world.

Right, that’ll do for now.   I will leave you with this helpful poem. 

Don’t be a tw*t. 

Pick something on a Saturday.

I never said it was going to rhyme.

Keep smiling.

LAW